Communicating Power

— Projecting power as we speak

Introduction


We use several distinct styles of spoken communication and each one communicates the power stance of the relationship along with the semantics of the message. In every communication there are two messages, one about the semantics of the discussion, the other about the relationship of the participants.

Objectives
lbeaumont The objectives of this course are to help you:
 * Identify various styles of communication,
 * Identify the power stance of communications you are participating in,
 * Determine if the power stance being used is helpful,
 * Choose your responses throughout communications sessions,
 * Project your agency and power,
 * Choose the semantics and power relationship you wish to communicate.

This course is part of the Emotional Competency curriculum. This material has been adapted from the EmotionalCompetency.com page on Tone of Communication, with permission of the author.

If you wish to contact the instructor, please click here to send me an email or leave a comment or question on the discussion page.

Communications Styles
The table below distinguishes between dialogue, discussion, debate, delegation, dogma and other terms we use to describe spoken communications. Peers are equals and they collaborate using dialogue. It is the only symmetrical form of communication. The other forms establish or reinforce asymmetrical, power-based relationships.

Many other incomplete forms of communication fail to achieve authentic expression.

In addition to the power stance described above for each mode of communication, our spoken and non-verbal communications often contain many other messages that are transmitted on an emotional level rather than semantically.

Expertise and Authority
Authorities are rarely experts.

An expert is someone who has a prolonged or intense experience through practice and education in a particular field. Experts are often widely recognized as a reliable source of technique or skill whose faculty for judging or deciding rightly, justly, or wisely in a particular domain is recognized by peers or the public. This may be the plumber, an automobile mechanic, physician, lawyer, engineer, author, researcher, juggler, athlete, researcher, gourmet, and many others. Note that expertise is domain specific. A skillful juggler is an expert on juggling but is unlikely to have any special expertise in other fields. Do not mistake a person who is famous and skillful in one area, such as a famous actor or athlete, for an expert in some domain outside the field they became expert in.

In short, an expert is someone who knows more about some topic than you do.

An authority is someone who granted the right to exercise power. This may be a team leader, committee chair, sports team coach, your boss within some organization, classroom teachers, elders, clergy, government officials, police officers, referees, judges, and many others. Authority is often based on position in some organizational hierarchy.

It is helpful to listen carefully and take advice from experts. It is often unjustified, and in fact a recognized fallacy to value the opinion of an authority over that of an expert.

Be wary of an authority who is adopting a power stance when communicating on a topic they are not expert in. Be especially careful to evaluate the evidence provided when listening to an authority who may not be an expert.

Assignment

 * 1) Choose a communications event to observe closely.
 * 2) Notice the communication style being used. Identify that style from the table above.
 * 3) Describe the power stance used during the communication.
 * 4) Is the speaker an expert on the topic? How do you know?
 * 5) Is the speaker an authority because they have been granted positional power? Does the speaker exercise their authority wisely?
 * 6) If an authority is speaking and an expert expresses disagreement, how is the conflict resolved?
 * 7) Does the power stance being used establish a justified power relationship between the communicating parties?

Responding
We can respond to a communication with any of these styles: directly, responsively, and with confidence; directly, with hesitancy or doubt; directly, admitting we don't know; skeptically;	gullibly; indirectly; with sarcasm; seriously, solemnly; with a joke; with an insult; by changing the subject; with an attack; by shaming, blaming, or humiliating the victim; condescendingly; kindly; cruelly; helpfully; needy; carefully; thoughtfully; curiously; humbly; arrogantly; carelessly; truthfully; dishonestly, disingenuously, or insincerely; with a dismissal; patiently; impatiently; quickly; slowly; with our full attention; distracted; by submitting to a demand; or by rebelling from a demand.

Each of the following response styles shifts the power stance and other dimensions of the relationship.

Poison Phrases
Meryl Runion uses the term “Poison Phrases” to describe how we often antagonize people we communicate with while denying our personal responsibility. Recently she took an (unscientific) poll to identify the ten most offensive poison phrases. They are: 1) Shut up, 2) It’s not my job, 3) What’s Your problem? 4)  Whatever, 5) Bite me, 6) I’m just a clerk, 7)  If you say so, 8)  I couldn’t care less,  9)  I don’t care, and 10)  I’m done with you. These are transparent attempts to artificially inflate your status at the expense of the person you are offending. They are examples of bullying and humiliation.