Talk:Motivation and emotion/Book/2014/Self esteem and depression

Comments
Thanks Jade, I appreciate your thoughts and will look at sentence restructuring. Thanks for the feedback!

Thanks guys, really appreciate it! Will check out your suggestions for further reading, and defintely agree with the image, i've been trying to change the size and if all else fails i'll find another image. Thanks again :-)--JessicaClareHunt (discuss • contribs) 03:37, 14 October 2014 (UTC)

minor proof reading stuff and suggestions
Hi, really great job on the report! I did some very minor proof readings stuff (fixings up some awkward sentences, spelling errors, making your links internal links, alphabetised the references that i saw), added a few more internal links to relevant concepts and fixed your reference list. I think something nice to add would be other predictors of depression if you wanted to in that section. Also, and feel free to disregard this comment, but I thought the big stormy banner at the start was a little too big. Maybe try experimenting with the size of the image a little bit to find something that is eye capturing and aesthetically pleasing :) good luck! Joelthebaws (discuss • contribs) 02:40, 14 October 2014 (UTC)

Hi, your layout is looking good- great work! Im looking at the impact of mental imagery on motivation and came across these articles which you may also find useful: This one looks at treating depression by using mental imagery: http://zh9bf5sp6t.scholar.serialssolutions.com/?sid=google&auinit=J&aulast=Wheatley&atitle=Using+Imagery+rescripting+to+treat+major+depression:+Theory+and+practice&id=doi:10.1016/j.cbpra.2010.06.004&title=Cognitive+and+behavioral+practice&volume=18&issue=4&date=2011&spage=444&issn=1077-7229 This one looks at how deliberate retrieval of positive self images can enhance self esteem: http://zh9bf5sp6t.scholar.serialssolutions.com/?sid=google&auinit=N&aulast=Hulme&atitle=Images+of+the+self+and+self-esteem:+do+positive+self-images+improve+self-esteem+in+social+anxiety%3F&id=doi:10.1080/16506073.2012.664557&title=Cognitive+behaviour+therapy&volume=41&issue=2&date=2012&spage=163&issn=1650-6073

--Emily (discuss • contribs) 10:57, 13 October 2014 (UTC)

Comments
Well done so far - you've done a great amount of writing so far. I was particularly impressed by your activity in the table format. I have seen a fair few quizzes now which may begin to get boring for markers so i believe your work will really stand out so great job on that!! My only negative comment is that perhaps you could look into changing the size of the images so they 'pop' a bit more. The little things sometimes make a big difference. Goodluck. JacquelineSpence (discuss • contribs) 08:28, 21 October 2014 (UTC)

Hey Jess,

Reading through your chapter I think you have done a pretty good job so far. My only suggestion would be to perhaps pay particular attention to your sentence structure when editing next. I made one tiny change (added one comma :P) but I felt a bit awkward just freely editing your work. So I thought it might be better to just give some examples of what I mean with sentence structure instead of just going through and changing your work...

Some sentences were worded a bit funny for me (for example: "It is fairly widely accepted that low self-esteem is correlated with depression") so I was having to do a double take to understand the sentence. Also, some sentences were really long which makes it a bit harder to read (for example: One of the first acknowledged and widely-accepted definitions of self-esteem was coined by a well-known founder in the field of psychology, William James, who described the term as an individual’s level of success compared with their own pretensions; that is, their hopes and aspirations).

But as I said before you've done a really good job overall, just some minor editing might help to get your points across in a more straight forward manner :)

Jade --U3083529 (discuss • contribs) 21:11, 15 October 2014 (UTC)

Hi Jess,

Your chapter reads really well, and was easy to follow. Great job! I went through and made some minor grammatical corrections, as well as deleting commas where they were unnecessary. I checked and double checked the corrections I made with other sources, so I am 100% they are correct. Also the saying 'be-all-end-all' is actually the 'be-all and end-all' so I corrected that too.

Although some of your sentences are quite long, for me personally the way you write is fantastic and easy to follow. Each paragraph is concise and well-formed, and I have come away with a much better understanding of the relationship between self-esteem and depression, and of the concept of self-esteem itself. Thankyou! :-)

--KerrieW (discuss • contribs) 02:29, 17 October 2014 (UTC)

Hi Jess,

I made a small change regarding grief. This is a well written chapter. There are some areas that I am still not convinced though:

1. In the symptoms of depression part, try making symptoms more accurate, indicating time frame and intensity. My impression that someone feeling down, but not clinically depressed might self diagnose themselves with the described symptoms in this section.

2. The diathesis of low self-esteem? Can someone be born with low self-esteem? I guess the point here is to write less definitively.

3. If low self-esteem is diathesis, how can it be improved? This is related to the suggestions to improve self-esteem part. So, maybe you need to make some changes in the vulnerability model section.

4. It is bad to have low self-esteem, but how about unrealistic high self-esteem? Is higher the better? Maybe regarding the healthy level of self-esteem, you can touch on this point. --Xlc (discuss • contribs) 22:28, 18 October 2014 (UTC)

couple of proof reading finds
Hi Jessica I noticed that quite a few times through your chapter you put a comme before ánd- this isnt really neccessary and although I dont think you would get marked down it makes the essay read a little bit disjointed. Also, I think your second last sentence in the overview could be improved by removing a few commas, suggesstion: The correlation between self-esteem and depression will be discussed, as well as several ways in which self-esteem can be improved to minimise the risk of developing depression. Hope that helps- I feel like such a nitpicker commenting on puncutation! every mark counts though I guess. Overall the chapter is great though, well done!--Emily (discuss • contribs) 01:03, 15 October 2014 (UTC)

And just another quick thing I noticed, in the sentence in 'what is depression: Major Depressive Disorder presently ranks fourth in this list of contributors, and it is predicted that it will become the second biggest contributor by the year 2030 (Gili et al., 2013). This is a significant prediction. In Australia, Depressive Disorders account for approximately 6% of the population (Black Dog Institute [BDS], 2012). Generally, when people use the term ‘depression’, they are referring to Major Depression, also known as Major Depressive Disorder, and it includes the following clinical symptoms (Wasserman, 2011)' Maybe just say 'they are referring to Major Depressive Disorder, and it includes the following clinical symptoms (Wasserman, 2011)'as it is a bit confusing putting two different terms for the same thing --Emily (discuss • contribs) 01:08, 15 October 2014 (UTC)

APA style captions for images and tables
I recommend using APA style captions i.e., Figure 1, Figure 2 etc. for all images, graphs etc. and Table 1, Table 2 etc. for all tables. The caption text should not be in italics. For more detail and examples, see http://libguides.newcastle.edu.au/content.php?pid=113807&sid=1208571 -- Jtneill - Talk - c 11:33, 23 October 2014 (UTC)

Thanks James, and everyone for your valuable suggestions :-)--JessicaClareHunt (discuss • contribs) 03:52, 24 October 2014 (UTC)

-- Jtneill - Talk - c 04:37, 27 November 2014 (UTC)