Talk:Motivation and emotion/Book/2014/Sexual violence motivation

comments
Hey, so this is a really interesting topic, I know it's a pretty intense subject, my only suggestion, it to perhaps add some tables of the statistics you've recorded, it's really interesting, and some imagery can help break up the text and create a good flow. Hopefully this helps a little and good luck!!

ShaunaB - Talk

-- Jtneill - Talk - c 03:55, 28 November 2014 (UTC)

Comments about subsequent revisions: -- Jtneill - Talk - c 01:48, 17 December 2014 (UTC)
 * 1) Approximately 1000 words have been added, although this still remains as one of the shortest chapters. The bulk of the additional content is a new section called "Motivations for specific types of sexual violence" and "Prevention of sexual violence". Some of this content needs closer proofreading (e.g., missing word in "This does not take away from the negative effects of their actions on their victims, but it is important to identify that this crime generally does not physical contact, as it is not the physical gratification that motivates these individuals." and lack of ownership apostrophe in "Individuals who commit sexual assault, but not rape, are likely to blame the victim for their inadequacy and powerlessness in order to counteract the perpetrators own feelings of powerlessness (Sadoff, 1986)."). Some statements that have been added need better explanation (e.g., "Sadoff (1986) states that although rape is a primarily violent act, not all rapists are violent people.") and some statements seem to need further justification (e.g., "typically they [people who have commit sexual homicide] seek out punishment in order to rectify their guilt"). Other statements lack sufficient citation (e.g., "In these cases of sexual violence, the perpetrator seeks to increase self esteem and their feeling of competency which they struggle to gratify in other means.")
 * 2) Not all points from earlier feedback have been addressed (e.g., Numbers under 10 should be written in words (e.g., five); numbers 10 and over should be written in numbers (e.g., 10))
 * 3) The Overview has been expanded
 * 4) Who is "we"? (Write in the third person).
 * 5) Some clarification tags were removed without making any other changes (e.g., "53% of Beech, Parrett, Ward and Fisher's female participants (2009) were associated with this")
 * 6) Some of the heading casing was corrected, but not all (e.g., "Female Offenders")
 * 7) A (short) Conclusion has been added; there are no practical, take-home messages.