Talk:Motivation and emotion/Book/2016/Narcoterrorism motivation

Comments
Hi,

Your topic sounds fascinating and I thought I would offer a suggestion to consider including a case study on Claudia Ochoa Felix. She is a Mexican cartel boss and is known as the 'Kim Kardashian of organised crime' due to her looks and love of posting selfies on social media. In particular her signature pink AK47, pictures of piles of money and armed bodyguards. The use of social media to glorify narcoterrorism is also an interesting angle that you could cover. Check out this news story and also the Wikipedia page on Propaganda in the Mexican Drug War https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Propaganda_in_the_Mexican_Drug_War. http://www.news.com.au/technology/online/social/claudia-ochoa-felix-fears-the-kim-kardashian-of-crime-could-spark-drug-gang-war/news-story/744a404b09765a6bbc107ed0afe9f60d

There was also an interesting article in June Marie Claire on Claudia and use of social media by drug cartels. Good luck with your page. --BecNorton (discuss • contribs) 07:26, 16 September 2016 (UTC)

Proof read and grammar edit
Hey,

I've read through half of your chapter and really like the progression of content. It's logical and each section flows really well into the next.

I've read up to the beginning of the Rational choice theory section and edited for grammar; I've also restructured some sentences.

I also noticed there were heaps of double spaces between sentences. I didn't know whether you wanted these, or its formatting issue (so I left them in), as it looks like you've copied the chapter from a word document and put it online. Another thing I noticed is a lot of sentences which portray ideas that aren't your own, are not supported with references...

I noticed in the moodle forum that you were looking to trim down your word count. One suggestion could be to combine the overview sections in your theory sections with its relation to narco-terrorism. Another would be to remove some the quotes you have and make one quote that you really like, bold and in quote marks. This way you can portray an important idea and trim the word count. You could also remove that first introduction part, it doesnt add much to overall beginning section.

Also noticed you haven't logged your social contributions. See the 'recording social contributions' post in moodle.

Anyways hope this was helpful, and if you dont like the edits you can undo my changes in the view history or contributions tabs.

Cheers, --Muzz2016 (discuss • contribs) 05:53, 18 October 2016 (UTC)

Assessment criteria
Hey,

This is shaping up to be a really good article on an interesting topic. I'll try not to echo what other people have said, so sorry for adding to your list of things to do (except double spacing between sentences is optional in APA6, so that's one less thing to do)..
 * The assessment criteria is based on roughly 30% theory, 30% research (my interpretation is experimental research) and 30% on style. At the moment your introduction is around 1800 words. It doesn't include a focus on motivation theory or research, so you end up bleeding over into marks you could get for theory and research. I think it's worth removing around 500 words from your introduction, which is fascinating, but you don't get marks. So it would be worth using them on Theory and Research.
 * The current issue and problem statement could be merged. They're also really good introductions to the topic!! So it could be worth putting that first.
 * Consider merging Introduction, Overview, History of Narco-Terrorism, Drug market, Drug trade and terrorist organisations under a single heading (like history // or why it's important), with multiple sub headings.
 * It would be good to focus slightly more on the link with terrorism, what makes it narco-terrorism? Do the activities of Pablo fall into terrorism?
 * There isn't an Australian National Security Agency, but there are various Australian national security agencies. Attorney General's Department is responsible for drafting legislation and offer a good definition of terrorism see here.
 * I don't really know how aggressively this will be reviewed, but the Book Chapter should "consider how an aspect of psychological theory and research knowledge can be used to help people live more effective motivational and emotional lives." So it's worth making this link to your article clear.
 * Related to the above point, a lot of people think terrorism is far from them, especially narco-terrorism. So why is it important? Does it change every day living? Perhaps this links back to your introduction too.
 * Every idea also needs to be cited, unless it's general knowledge (unattributed reference in 5? other articles)... (Yes, I can't easily cite that!)

Sorry.. I really think you have a good article here, but moving some key things around the emphasising different bits will help!

Tristan TristanMM (discuss • contribs) 06:52, 18 October 2016 (UTC)

Addressing the marking criteria
User:Chot24, from a quick look, it appears that the current draft is relatively heavy on describing narcoterrorism and relatively light on explaining how psychological theory and research can help to address the issue. So, it could be helpful to compare the content against the marking criteria before submitting. Sincerely, James -- Jtneill - Talk - c 21:40, 23 October 2016 (UTC)

-- Jtneill - Talk - c 08:24, 9 November 2016 (UTC)

-- Jtneill - Talk - c 08:56, 22 November 2016 (UTC)