Talk:Motivation and emotion/Book/2021/Transgender medical transitioning motivation

Comments
Hi Everyone! Please leave any suggestions in this section here! I really appreciate it.

Additional resource̝
Hi. I found your topic development really interesting thus far. I like your use of the sub-headings as it allows for the reader to follow the content easily. I have added an additional internal link that I believe will assist you in developing a good description and/or understanding for your "The need to transition explained through the hierarchy of needs" section (Book Chapter, 2013). I also found a journal article about the relationship between mental health and gender dysphoria. This specific journal article proposed some interesting points and I thought you could maybe use it is an interesting case study. I have included both links within this comment but I have also added them to your working comments section --U3189442 - K.Ryan (discuss • contribs) 21:41, 29 August 2021 (UTC).

Heading casing
-- Jtneill - Talk - c 10:58, 15 September 2021 (UTC)

Feedback request as per UC board
Hi there,

This may seem shorter and less detailed, but I had previously typed up a lot of comments that all got lost in transition during a page edit and Wikiversity lost the lot due to a conflict error. I'll try to go over everything that I remember here...

1. A number of sentences are written in passive language. For example, "Gender dysphoria (‘dysphoria’) was the updated term selected when the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders published it’s 5th edition (‘DSM-5’)." can be rewritten as "Gender dysphoria (‘dysphoria’) is the current term as of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th edition (‘DSM-5’)". Switching sentences from passive to active language strengthens those points. It's particularly noticeable when you are citing studies.

2. You have some sections where there are headings without text. It might be a good idea to remove redundant subheadings and consolidate information.

3. There are some incomplete sentences (e.g. While medically-transitioning is undertaken to alleviate dysphoria and help align the identified gender with the self, this is not the only motivator for undergoing this proces") and a number of sentences that are sitting by themselves. Can the lone sentences be consolidated into other paragraphs in their sections?

4. You're outlining some information that really needs references. Examples include when you cite Devor's theory (no reference in the initial sentence) and Maslow's Hierarchy. Speaking of Devor, consider adding the 14 stages as a table just to show what they are.

5. The chapter could use a case study or a few, and good spots seem to be at the end of the 'big' theories. Consider using case studies or some other feature to highlight the key information from those theories.

6. As a suggestion, your last paragraph in the "A term used to disminish the transgender experience" section could be moved down into the "Different gender affirmation routes for different pursuits" - that paragraph reads like it would be better in that section.

7. The non-academic references will need to be removed from the reference list. If you want to cite Erikson (1980) you'll need to amend the reference to a scientific source or replace it with a scientific source.

--U3020459 (discuss • contribs) 15:26, 15 October 2021 (UTC)

-- Jtneill - Talk - c 01:54, 14 November 2021 (UTC)

-- Jtneill - Talk - c 07:24, 20 November 2021 (UTC)