User:CarrieBerg/The Alchymyst's Dilemma

“As you should know by now, Alchymy is the art of transforming one object into another object. Or more specifically, taking two objects, finding that which is similar between the two, and using those similarities to transmute one object into the next. So as you see, Alchymy is, at it's heart, the very embodiment of the Law of Similarities...”

Notes from Albumen Hermagus's Lectures on the Nature of Alchymy.

“The Law of Similarities is the most fundamental law upon which the world is built. It is simply thus: that two objects, being similar in some way, can effect each other. This is why the ocean can be used to effect the sky, why a single branch can sprout a forest and why hematite can heal wounds...”

Vernaglis Damino on The Way the World Works.

Serrin was having the singularly worst week of his life.

It wasn't caused by any one thing. No, indeed, everything seemed to be tumbling down about his tender head. None of his experiments had been working. All of them had ending up as puddles of very messy, impossible to clean, tarry black goo. Which he then had to take hours out of his already overfull schedule to clean up!

He didn't have time for laundry. A fact made worse by all the clothes stained from his failed experiments. At the rate he was going through clothing, he was quickly approaching having nothing to wear but the awful puce outfit his sister had sent him as a joke for his last birthday.

She had said, in her insufferably smug voice, "since you are an Alchymyst now, you should be able to turn this interesting outfit into something more respectable." Based on his current transformation attempts, the best he would manage would be a puddle of goo - which would remarkably improve the outfit, while at the same time rendering it complete useless as clothing.

His rent was due – and he couldn't pay it since what was supposed to turn into gold had melted into one of the aforementioned puddles of goo.

And if that wasn't enough, yesterday Charlotte had left him for Farl, another Master student of Alchymy. She seemed to realize that Serrin would never produce much gold, whereas Farl couldn't seem to help making it. Serrin sighed.

It was a very bad day.

And yet, when he had thought it couldn't get any worse, Serrin found that it could.

He presently held a piece of paper he had completely forgotten had existed – the assignment paper stating that his Master's Thesis in Alchymy was due. In three days. How had he managed to forget this?

Serrin slumped onto his bed causing a stack of goo-encrusted robes to tumble to the floor. The stack had been balanced precariously on one of his piles of lecture notes. Now free, the notes scattered like leaves across the room. Serrin's hands opened to catch them and the assignment slipped out, soon lost in the deluge of other papers. Serrin couldn't believe his bad luck. He wanted to curl up in a ball and scream, but was afraid of what more damage he might cause by one errant move. Instead he bent over, head in hands, and sighed at the floor.

One page had come to rest at his feet. At first Serrin stared blankly, trying to be oblivious to the chaos still swirling around him. But his eyes betrayed him. Against his will they focused on the first few words on the page. “The Law of Similarities is the most fundamental law upon which the world is built. It is simply thus: that two objects, being similar in some way, can effect each other.” If this was how the world worked, then where was the special object that would make his life better? Where was the object to fix all his problems? What object was similar enough to him to ruin his life? And who was using it against him?

The object that ruined his life was gold. And Serrin had only himself to blame for attempting to make it. Serrin knew that now. But that didn't change his current feeling of hopelessness. Or his personal belief that the world was against him. None of his clothes would have been ruined if he hadn't been trying so hard to make gold. He would have his rent paid if he had bothered to make silver. Everything had been going fine when all he had to worry about was other transformations.

Perhaps it was just that Serrin couldn't see how gold was all that similar to other metals. Yes, it was shiny, malleable, and went “ping!” when hit, but it also never tarnished, was too soft, and wasn't at all useful.

And that was the root of it.

If Serrin didn't see something as useful, he couldn't transform anything into it. Why would you want a useless item?

His classmates were constantly arguing with him about how gold was useful, their main argument being that you could buy things with it, but for Serrin that wasn't enough. You could buy things with silver, iron, or tin, if you came right down to it. And those metals could at least be used to make things other than money and silly ornaments. Which brought to mind the words of a famous play:

“To transmute to gold, or not to transmute to gold, — that is the question: Whether 'tis the noblest of metals to make Into bricks or bars of outrageous fortune, Or to transmute into more mundane items...”

So why did he persist in attempting to transmute lead into gold? There seemed to be some unspoken rule that all Alchymysts had to. Especially if they were Masters of Alchymy. So if Serrin ever wanted to achieve his Master's Degree, he needed to turn something into gold, whether he thought it was useful or not. And then there was the small matter of writing his Master's Thesis.

The point of a Master's Thesis for Alchymy was obvious: compare two seemingly different objects so that, in the future, other Alchymysts could transform one of the objects into the other. Admittedly, there was a slight caveat. The two objects could not have been compared previously, in any Master's or Doctorate paper. Nor could they be so hopelessly obvious that they were taken for common knowledge. Which immediately removed all the easy subjects.

No papers could be written on how lead was like gold - Serrin still didn't understand that transformation, but there was at least one paper on in - and at least twenty different treatises. Nor could he write about how faeries were like flowers, a hopelessly obvious transformation. Both faeries and flowers were extremely delicate, danced in the breeze, and had similar coloring. Nor could he postulate how hematite was like flesh and blood. Another easy one. The name hematite means blood, for hematite bleeds when cut. Both Hematite and flesh are ruled by Saturn, and finally, hematite is made of iron, which is ruled by Mars and Mars also rules blood.

Nothing more could be written comparing hummingbirds to pixies. They were both flighty, fast, brilliantly colored, drank nectar, etc... Nor how lightning bugs compared to will-o'-the-wisps. Both glowed greenish yellow in the dark and floated around at night. Nor how red rose petals compared to rubies. Both glistened in the light, both were deep red, and both were symbols of love.

No more parallels could be drawn about dewdrops and diamonds. About how they sparkled and reflected the light so enchantingly. Nor how water was like wine. Both were healthy to drink in moderate amounts. Nor how garnets were like pomegranate seeds. The name garnet comes from pomegranate, for both have the same deep red color - and natural garnet crystals are similar in size to pomegranate seeds.

In fact, fully half of the topics Serrin had vaguely entertained writing about for his paper had already been done.

Which left the items on his list that he had considered insanely, if not impossibly hard. How is a dragon like a doorknob, for instance. Other than the obvious alliteration, there was nothing. Did dragons turn when a hand touched them? Did doorknobs fly? It would take a keener mind then Serrin's to find the connection there.

But then, there were some leads that looked promising. Promising, but not glorious. They weren't flashy transformations, nothing like turning dust-motes into gold dust or something equally visually stunning. These transformations were more ordinary, dreary, boring. The other students had sneered at him when he had first done them. So he had stopped. But the more research Serrin did, the more he realized that there were not a lot of documented practical transformations. What he did find, and found in spades, were a whole lot of impractical transformations. They very type that he had the most trouble with.

And that was Serrin's problem. Serrin was a practical Alchymyst. Unlike almost all the other students. They were content to turn autumn leaves into gold coins, dandelion fluff into diamonds and raindrops into roses. Serrin was not. He would rather turn a button into a padlock, a feather into a boat, deadly nightshade into tomatoes. None of his transformations were worth thousands of gold gurks, but they were all far more useful.

And, truth be told, most of the time Serrin would rather have a boat than diamonds - but not this week. Not when rent was due. He didn't think his landlord would accept a boat instead of the twelve gurks due. Serrin really regretted not transforming that last batch of corn kernels into something other than gold. But it had been, supposedly, one of the easiest gold transformations. Serrin shook is head. He should have bought fish scales and turned them into silver surkas instead. Then at least he would have some type of currency.

As it was, he was running dangerous low on funds. So low that he couldn't afford more Alchymycal materials. Which meant he'd have to resort to stealing some - or finding objects that were free and easy to transform into other objects. Like collecting silver birch leaves to transform into silver.

But that still left Serrin with the problem of transforming something into gold. And what he was going to write his paper about.

.:.:.:.:.:.

So, I managed to turn an assignment about comparing two things into a short story about the power of comparisons... not bad, but not exactly an analysis paper either... I find that when I don't want to do something, it is far easier to make a fictional character do it instead. So here Serrin basically does all my work for me. He must make comparisons and write a paper about them.

And, I'm going to call this done (or at least, Chapter 1) for now. This is another piece that I intend to work on more in the future. Just like "The Eyes Have It." Why isn't it done? It hasn't reached where I want it to be. But it is a solid start, and it stands fine on it's own.

.:.:.:.:.:.

For those interested, here is the full version of the Soliloquy from Act 3, Scene 1 of

Hamlet, as translated by the Greate Alchymysts:

To transmute to gold, or not to transmute to gold, — that is the question:

Whether 'tis the noblest of metals to make

Into bricks or bars of outrageous fortune,

Or to transmute into more mundane items

And pass by all that wealth? — To make gold, to transform, —

Once more; and by transform to say we stop

The impurities, and the thousand smelting errors

That base metal is heir to, — 'tis a consummation

Devoutly to be wish'd. To make gold, to transform; —

To transform, perchance to err: — ay, there's the rub;

For in that transformation what problems may arise,

When mixtures are not balanced right,

Must make us check: there's the respect

That comes from successfully making gold;

For who could bear to work with picks in the mines,

The ore buckets, the peasant worker's gibes,

The pangs of back pains, the dirty soil,

The dark of the mine, and boredom spurred

By patient diggings of minute metals,

When alchymy might his fortune make

With much reward? Who would these labors bear,

To grunt and sweat under a weary life,

But that the path of knowledge is too long, —

The undiscover'd lore, from those texts

Few students learn, — puzzles the will,

And makes most rather bear those burdens they have

Than become alchymysts and delve into the unknown?

Thus intelligence does make fools of almost all;

And thus only the most determined thinkers

With stronger will than they may have thought

And experiments of great matter and importance,

Faced with this, the foolish turn away,

And leave transmuting gold to the masters.

.:.:.:.:.:.

If you'd like, here's the original version to compare:

To be, or not to be, — that is the question: —

Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer

The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,

Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,

And by opposing end them? — To die, to sleep, —

No more; and by a sleep to say we end

The heart-ache, and the thousand natural shocks

That flesh is heir to, — 'tis a consummation

Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep; —

To sleep, perchance to dream: — ay, there's the rub;

For in that sleep of death what dreams may come,

When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,

Must give us pause: there's the respect

That makes calamity of so long life;

For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,

The oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely,

The pangs of despis'd love, the law's delay,

The insolence of office, and the spurns

That patient merit of the unworthy takes,

When he himself might his quietus make

With a bare bodkin? who would these fardels bear,

To grunt and sweat under a weary life,

But that the dread of something after death, —

The undiscover'd country, from whose bourn

No traveller returns, — puzzles the will,

And makes us rather bear those ills we have

Than fly to others that we know naught of?

Thus conscience does make cowards of us all;

And thus the native hue of resolution

Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought;

And enterprises of great pith and moment,

With this regard, their currents turn awry,

And lose the name of action.

notes... for future writing...

Friend: how roses were like raindrops.

Options: how a feather is like a boat, or how hair is like a rope bridge.

Dissolve, coagulate, catalyst, red lion, red rose, white lily, Separate, Join Together.

Saturn/Lead –> Sun/Gold

Mercury/Mercury

Mars/Iron

Moon/Silver

Jupiter/Tin

Venus/Copper

Sulfur – spirit of life

Mercury – fluid connection between the high and the low

Salt – base matter