User:JenniferBrannon

=Analytical Writing=

Group Name
Rising Education Cost

Critique
Critique #1: http://en.wikiversity.org/wiki/User:Cherrykyle ((I'm not exactly sure where to post this so I'll put it in your critique section. Makes sense right?))

First off, I think this is an excellent topic and it obviously has a lot of personal relevance to you as a person. I think you might be able to make it a bit less like a rant though. And I wasn't sure what to make of the indented sections, they didn't really fit with the rest of the essay. Otherwise good job. JenniferBrannon

Critique #2: http://en.wikiversity.org/wiki/User_talk:Saramcmillen This is really informative and a great essay. It did end a little more aloof than it started. If you could continue to tie in the small town throughout the paper I think that would really help it flow more smoothly, I had all but forgotten it was a personal essay by the end.

It really came off as more a public service announcement that was recruiting help for the programs that support the homeless at the end. Other than that it was great. JenniferBrannon

Personal Essay
Rising education cost deter many young adults just starting out on their own. A young couple trying to attend college faces many obstacles to making headway in starting their own life. A young couple who receives $1925 per month from family and financial aid all together faces several very challenging obstacles in particular; such as a $1000 rent, around $200 in groceries every two weeks, almost $200 for all their utilities, and over $25 a week for transportation. On top of juggling all these expenses and doing their best to save a little for hard times, the couple has to worry about school work, whether or not they should get a job, can they afford to get a job and the added stress of keeping their relationship together. All this probably sounds like a rant but it's just basic facts. You might do the math and find that they still have around $450 dollars left but if you try to live on $450 dollars between two people for a month you'll find it isn't easy.

The biggest problem with this system is that almost no one can afford to pay for their college education without some help from loans, whether they apply for federal loans or get a personal loan from their bank, the only difference it makes is the interest rate and how long you have to pay it back. For something that's become so necessary to survival in this country, you would think that it would be a little more affordable. If the government would simply put a roof on how high the education cost can go and what companies can charge for their supplies when the school buys from them, things could be kept at a manageable level for families to send their kids to school.

Supplies. There's another things that a student is required to pay for 'out-of-pocket.' This isn't necessarily a bad thing but when it cost 6 dollars for a 6"x4" plastic stencil that only has circles and squares on it for one assignment that needs all three basic shapes... well I'm sure I don't need to say that that's a tad extreme. And that's only one example from one school of one branch in the US. I won't bore you with long lists of overpriced school supplies that could range from CDs, to drawing paper, to pencils, to text books and a host of other things.

My point is, almost all students have a limited cash flow. Usually half or more of that cash goes to paying bills, buying food and getting where you need to go. What's left is precious but it seems as though it' become the goals of most business (ye, that includes schools) to rain every last penny from the students pocket. That's a bad thing for everyone because the fewer students that can afford college, the higher the cost will go thus fewer students to attend, thus higher cost until there is very few educated workers in the upcoming generations. This means business will have to take lower education in their workforce, and once that cycles through, then the government starts to be affected. Higher education cost may seem like it's only a problem for those people going to school today but if left unchecked this problem could grow into a threat to our nation as a whole. JenniferBrannon