User:MadisonE

=Analytical Writing=

Group Name
ADVERTISING AS A WHOLE, WHERE THE SOLUTIONS CAUSE THE PROBLEMS!

MadisonE

Critique
I thought your paper was very good and had excellent voice throughout. I was a little confused on the overall point. It seemed like you were saying that the homeless people didn’t choose to be homeless in the beginning and then in the body of the paper you were saying all of the reasons they do choose to be homeless… Maybe editing the intro to better say what the thesis or point of the paper is will help this. Also, from what I have heard, most homeless shelters have strict enforcement of not letting anyone under the influence of drugs or alcohol in and some actually provide over the counter medicine to those who are sick and in need. So wouldn’t this be good for the ones who don’t want to get sick and who are trying to kick bad habits?? Also, I think that the homeless people with pets might be trying to not be homeless by getting sympathy for the animal from people and getting money from them (they still aren’t allowed at shelters but I guess its about their priorities) Overall you did a really good job. Just some revising and editing of some sentences that didn’t quite flow will make it great! Torigrace89:

my Critique on Tori Jones Paper

All in all Tori's paper was very good. She showed excellent detail in her past experience to engage to readers perspective on homelessness and whether it being a choice or not. Having the insiders view coming from a person who has actually experienced or is experiencing the homeless life-style makes the paper more interesting rather than going of facts and internet information. I find it really well put together from beginning to end with the information provided through the homeless shelter, the movie "pursuit of happiness", and the actual day to day working environment. She stayed pretty well on topic and made me realize that through some perspectives homelessness isn't a choice, it comes from all sorts of situations and predicaments varying the person or people and the way they live their life. I feel she could go into more detail on other experiences using facts outside of her own experiences that she has witnessed or been apart of just to tie into the essay a little bit more but the way she came about it was a very interesting outlook on different perspectives of being homeless and having a homeless life hit you in the face. Very well done tori! :) MadisonE

Personal Essay
Madison East November 10th 2009 Analytical Writing Personal Essay RD

Homeless What is hitting bottom and how do you know when you’ve reached that point? Some people believe it’s when your life is now viewed as having nothing, owning nothing, and being nothing. Waking up every day to a cardboard box that is now the four walls and roof over your head makes you think that life seems pretty meaningless. Even the newspapers that cover you are now the blankets that keep you warm. The scraps of food and the pocket change from others are now the blessings you live by. These are things that keep you living even through another day of misery. Is living life by choice or are we forced to live this lifestyle by our misfortunes? There are many ways to change the outlook of the people who choose to lose it all versus the ones who have lost it all. Walking the streets and having to see all the people who are struggling with their life situations and having nowhere to technically call a home makes you think why aren’t they doing anything about it to better themselves? A question that has often been brought up is the question of choice. Are homeless people who appear to be homeless by choice less deserving of compassion or assistance than others? If they do indeed choose this lifestyle why should anyone interfere, why should anyone go out of their way or put their hands in their pockets to help them? Rarely does anyone ever choose to become homeless. I won’t deny the existence of the minority who chose to put on their backpacks and drop out of society, favoring a simple lifestyle of uncertainty and rolling with the punches. But the remaining 99% of people who are forced into homelessness have many varied reasons for their circumstance, but whatever the initial cause of their homelessness and despite all the programs, shelters and missions that are available today some homeless people do appear to remain homeless by choice. If you actually ask homeless people why with all the services available do they prefer to stay on the streets, some will even tell you that they choose to be homeless. But do they really? The reality is a lack of suitable alternatives. The following are some of the main reasons why homeless people choose homelessness over the available services: Many homeless people avoid using shelter services for fear that their personal safety could be compromised. While most shelters take precautions and have practical staff levels of volunteers, some are not professionally qualified to deal with violent conduct and as such cannot guarantee personal safety. There may well be violent offenders, addicts and mentally imbalanced individuals sharing the room in which you would be expected to sleep. Homeless people travel light. They own very little and you can be sure that the few things they do possess and carry are either necessary for their survival or they consider the items very precious. They protect the few belongings that they do have tenaciously. Most shelters have secure storage available but it doesn’t hold all the belongings that are owned by that particular person/family which means that personal belongings can be left lying around and vulnerable to theft if they have no where else to store them. A homeless shelter in England for example quotes: “Why can't I take my things with me?” - You may not be able to keep your furniture and belongings with you at the accommodation the council provides once you leave your former home. This is because the accommodation the council provides might already be furnished or too small to store all your belongings. The council therefore has duties to protect the personal property of homeless applicants in certain circumstances. If you have any problems in getting the council to protect your property, use our directory to find agencies in your area that can help you. (http://england.shelter.org.uk/get_advice/homelessness/help_from_the_council/storage_for_personal_belongings)
 * 1) 1. Safety
 * 1) 2. Personal belongings

Knowing this isn’t the case EVERYWHERE with homeless shelters, this was just a prime example to explain my reasoning behind why homeless people choose not too use the shelters seeing not everywhere will store your belongings and keep them protected.

Homeless people are socially excluded. If they are spoken to at all by the general population it is more often than not to be jeered at. Sometimes they can go weeks, months or even years without speaking to a single soul. This isolation can be one of the most difficult aspects homeless people have to deal with. Many would rather share what little food they can gather with a dog in exchange for the companionship they provide than be completely alone. It is not hard to understand why they would be reluctant to give this up but very few shelters or state supported accommodation programs make provisions for pets. Death and homelessness go hand in hand. The average age at death of a homeless person in America can be as low as 41 years depending on the state you live in. The state of California and the National Coalition for the homeless show data in number of homeless deaths, demographic characteristics, ages, and the leading causes of these deaths. Results from Los Angeles County 2000-2007: a. Number of Homeless Deaths The Los Angeles County Coroner’s office reported 2,815 homeless deaths from January 1, 2000 to May 28, 2007. As an average, this is more than one per day for the nearly 7.5 year period. b.          Demographic Characteristics •	Gender: As shown in Figure 1, of the 2,815 homeless deaths, 2,406 (85%) of them were male, and 409 (15%) were female. Gender	Total Life Expectancy	Total Years of Life	Total Years of Life Lost Male	179,469	116,953	62,543 Female	32,409	18,575	13,834
 * 1) 3. Pets
 * 1) 4. Health Hazards

•	Ethnicity: The racial/ethnic makeup of these deaths shows that 1,151 (41%) were Caucasian, 868 (31%) were Hispanic, 717 (25%) were African American, 33 (1%) were Asian, 26 (1%) were American Indian, and 29 (1%) were of other ethnicity. These figures are shown in Figure 2. •	Ethnicity  Total Life Expectancy   Total Years of Life    Total Years of Life Lost •	Caucasian              87,795                          56,802                        30,993 •	African American 50,845                           35,632                       15,213 •	Hispanic                67,369                          39,471                        27,898 •	American Indian    1,948                            1,254                           694 •	Asian                     1,714                            1,012                           702 •	Other                      2,207                            1,357                          850

•	Age: As shown in Figure 3, the average age of death was 48.1 years, falling far short of the 77.2-year life expectancy of the average American. The age range of these homeless deaths was 0-89. The age distribution shows there were 95 (3.3%) deaths in the zero to 24 years-old age group, 918 (32.6%) deaths in the 25 to 44 age group, 1,575 (56.0%) deaths in the 45 to 64 age group, and 225 (8.0%) in the 65 and over age group. The average life span of the deceased homeless in Los Angeles County covered just 62.3% of the life expectancy of a person living in the United States.

d.         Leading Known Underlying Causes of Death: •	Cardiovascular: The primary cause of death among the 2,815 homeless was cardiovascular problems, accounting for 686 (24.4%) deaths. Again, it is important to note: without access to official death certificates, the primary underlying cause of death (such as alcohol and/or substance abuse) in these cardiovascular cases is unknown. •	Unknown: Unknown causes of death ranked second in the listing we were provided. The high death rates and low life expectancy highlighted reported here constitute an extremely serious health disparity for the homeless population group. Public health authorities should monitor, report on and plan for the health of homeless persons to a far greater extent than is currently the case. •	Substance Use: The second most common cause was acute intoxication, which accounted for 619 (22.0%) of deaths. The leading substances abused were: heroin, cocaine, morphine and alcohol. •	Trauma: The third most common was trauma related. In a preliminary review of a coroner's list of causes of death (without access to death certificates), we found that 502 deaths (or 17.8%) were caused by some type of trauma, many of which were related to violent acts or suicides. •	Cause of Death                          Number of Deaths          Percentage of Total •	Cardiovascular Disease                        686                                  24.4% •	Unknown                                              660                                  23.4% •	Acute Intoxication                                619                                  22.0% •	Trauma Related                                    493                                  17.5% •	Trauma – Homicide                               9                                      0.3% •	Pneumonia                                            110                                   3.9% •	Cirrhosis                                               102                                    3.6% •	Infection/Alcohol or IV Drug Use        90                                     3.3% •	Cancer                                                   31                                     1.1% •	Hypothermia/Environmental Exposure 8                                      0.3% •	Tuberculosis                                          7                                       0.2% •	 Homeless people often have difficulty accessing medical care. Poor diet and exposure to the elements can mean that a relatively minor injury or disease could prove fatal. The risk of picking up an infection is massively increased when using shelter services. Shelter living effectively means being told what time you have to go to bed, what time you have to get up, what you are going to eat and what time you are going to eat it at. It likely also means limited availability as to what times you are able to use washing facilities. In essence your freedom is restricted and your life is no longer your own.
 * 1) 5. Control

Most shelters are nighttime only. This means that come morning (and it is usually very early) you have just a short time to get your gear together before being turned back out onto the streets. Regardless of the weather, rain, sleet, snow or hail, you have to leave and you may not return prior to the time allotted for opening the following evening. If you show up late, no matter what the reason may be, this will usually result in missing your spot for that night. That is, of course, if there were any beds left available in the first place. Although the common held stereotypical myth that all homeless people are addicts and alcoholics is not true, there is a significant proportion that do suffer from alcoholism and/or substance abuse issues. There are also a great number of them trying desperately to kick these habits. In order to have a realistic chance of breaking the cycle it is necessary to avoid associating with other addicts wherever possible and staying away from places where they are likely to hangout. For many, this means staying away from shelters. People need personal space. Staying in a shelter means sharing a dormitory, sharing a meal room and sharing bathroom facilities with fifty or so other residents. Have you ever tried sleeping in a room full of fifty other people? It is worth remembering that some of these emergency ’shelters’ consist of no more than a mattress on a church floor. It may be warmer than the streets but it doesn’t necessarily mean you will be able to get more sleep. Many state programs require a very intrusive application process. It can mean disclosing highly personal and potentially embarrassing information. Personal history, family background, police and medical records and financial history are all fair game. There are many reasons why anybody would prefer to keep certain things quiet. Some maybe sinister but others can be tragic. This is not intended in any way to be an attack on the services offered by rescue missions and shelters. In fact, I strongly believe that they do the best they can of providing an invaluable service with very limited resources. The truth is that they do their best to fill a huge void caused largely by societal and political shortcomings and the homelessness situation would be a lot worse than it already is if not for their efforts. Unfortunately they cannot realistically be expected to provide an effective solution with the available finances and other resources at their disposal. The question still exists; in the end of it all do homeless people ever really choose to be homeless? No, not really. Whether or not they are living on the streets in a cardboard box or in a shelter, it’s still technically referred to as “homeless”, but either way they have the choice of bettering themselves and creating a better life given the circumstance of “choice” and what they do with the situations they are in is all in their hands.
 * 1) 6. Daytime Hours
 * 1) 7. Addictions
 * 1) 8. Privacy
 * 1) 9. Intrusion and Anonymity

Self Assessment
Through out my quarter in this class i found myself very interested in you teachings and how you come about bringing up topics and making class enjoyable through laughter and i really liked that. You have a great way of talking to a class without boring them (at least in my eyes) and the way you express yourself and defend or bring up certain topic/s, related or non-related to the class, you have a passionate voice behind it and engages me to listen more and ask questions. As for as the class assignments for this quarter i was NOT a fan. I know I'm used to having books to read or research papers to study for and being an English Analytical writing class i thought that the 10 weeks we had was going to get more into depth with that kind of material. I love to write and not so much research (which i can do too just not my favorite) i didn't find much time getting to do a lot with writing my own papers on topics or reading material. I find that more useful and helpful than doing ONE huge group project for 10 weeks and only having the choice of a personal essay going off of other group topics. not very interesting to me. Didn't have A LOT of fun with this class as for as the way it was set up but really enjoy having you as a teacher. I just think a better thought out layout for the quarter and having more to do would be better than ONE big thing through-out the whole quarter instead. I just feel i didn't do much. I understand the reasoning behind the group essays and know that you can't expect to always do everything on your own and having an opportunity to work with others and make it a whole is a great way to do that. I just hope that with the next quarter you can use this group essay but tie in more ideas for personal/one on one assignments so the student can grow more ways than just one. :)

Thank you! Happy Holidays!

MadisonE